Caught in the Carousel

Thomas Cooney, Journalist for Caught In The Carousel's, decade favourites include the one and only .... ILYA :~)

THE ENIGMATICAL ADVENTURES OF JANE GOOSE ...

This book is so funny :~) If you like something unique in style and beautifully and poetically written, but totally silly and 'carry on' rude ... follow this link to read ... JANE GOOSE.

DANCING ABOUT ARCHITECTURE

I am mortified to hear myself yakking off in this Radio Interview on Dancing About Architecture (so hard to digest ones own voice:~Z ) ... but the music sounds great as do the lovely dulcet tones of the presenter, Stephen :~)

Alchocoal

I was standing in the queue to post some letters today and a young child minder was behind me with her two young charges. The childminder had a massively loud voice and everyone in the very long queue could hear her. She asked the kids (who were about 4 and 5) ... "So 'ave you been good fer Santal?".They looked baffled, so she said, " you gotter be good before Chris'mas or's you won't get no presents. Santal will just bring you a bit of coal instead". Both kids looked even more puzzled as large globs of fluorescent green chews clung from their confused teeth. Then the Childminder shrieked, " You don't not never know what coal is do you?". The boy-child replied through the sticky barrier cementing his incisors , " is it something to do with Alchocaol?". I was really amused by that, but the child minder didn't seem to hear it and just carried on. "So what do you want to eat on Christmas day?". The boys face lit up and even more neon green radiated from within. "That" he attempted to say, as he pointed to some convenience food on the lower shelves next to him. " What Spag'etti rings", shrieked the girl? "No that one'', said the boy. " "You want Pot Noodle for your Christmas lunch!!!" she shrieked. "Yeeeess" ... he replied all wide eyed and lime toothed and looking forward to his Christmas.

That reminds me of when our daughter Moomie was 3 and went to a Montessori Nursery for 2 afternoons a week. When the kids were gathered around at Story-time and talking about cold and ice, the teacher asked, "does anyone know what ice is used for?"; to which Moomie replied, "Gin and Tonic". That's me girl :~))

MERRY CHRISTMAS

THE FROST ON MY BEAD SHED WINDOW YESTERDAY MORNING

PORNO U LIKE

Borders is closing down. For years now the Starbucks within has been a ritualistic meeting place for our family on Saturday mornings. As there is a raucous 15 of us, we needed somewhere big enough to expand comfortably. When the nieces were younger they would play under the tables of books, often walled in by towers of books that went from floor to under table top. Today it's shelves are depleted. Big 80% off signs hanging over the left over rubbish that is eagerly slipping into baskets. (Second rate books making marvellous Christmas, coffee table, presents:~). But it was a great place, even if you couldn't find any ILYA albums on the shelves and Amazon sold the same things for half the price! I remember when it was owned by THE HOUSE OF FRASER, but called, BRIGHTS, then DINGLES ... I loved it then too. I once worked in the toy department of Brights pressing flock letters onto T-Shirts ... just things like Darren, Mike, Dean, Debra and Julie ... nothing too artistic! But I liked the burning smell of the press, as the flock-glue sealed, at high voltage, to the starchy cotton. And toy shops back then were teenage heaven. At 14 you are neither woman nor child. Still enchanted by a shop full of toy-ish wonderment and repulsed as Darren talks to your breasts about his T-Shirt!

Nick and I discovered the 'SEX Corner' of Borders today and were having great fun reading hysterical extracts in our best thespian tones. Our daughter phoned from elsewhere in the shop mayhem, "Where are you?". "Why in the sex corner dearest ... your father and I are just learning a thing or two ... it's to the right of Starbucks". In this small cosy corner there were about 4 or 5 middle-aged and elderly men surreptitiously fingering what was left of the hot sex literature. Nobody caught my eye (even though I was winking like there was no tomorrow ... which there wasn't for Borders) Daughter appeared and announced loudly, right into the steaming hearth of our gathering, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT THOSE BOOKS FOR? ... THAT STUFF IS FOR OLD PERVERTS". I had to stifle my blurting laugh and "SSSCCHH" her quick, as I grabbed her elbow and wheeled her out of the way, not daring to turn around and see how the assembly of perverts responded to her public announcement of them, (and us :~).